Here’s a cheeky one – Why did Humpty Dumpty push his wife off the wall? Because he wanted to see her crack!
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Asif Hussain

I once fell head over in love with a girl in a petrol station. We got engaged, but after a couple of months she broke off the engagement, I was devastated. To this day I can’t drive past that petrol station without filling up!

Thanks to Susan M Shermer for that one and yes there will be another tomorrow.

The laughs just keep coming on the Crying With Laughter web site, don’t forget that you can have some slightly darker laughs with Mr Joey Frisk by pre-ordering the DVD here. 

Anyway here is today’s howler;

When I was young we had this dog with no legs which we named
cigarette, every night my mum would take him out for a drag..
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Many thanks to Leigh Annell for that one

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”. “Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Thanks to Sophia Kearney for that one – it’s hilarious I’m sure you will agree – there will be more tomorrow

The Crying with Laughter parade is Marching on and it seems that the the readers of the Mirror have a dark side!

Remember you can pre-order crying with Laughter here.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a sensitive man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

From Michael Boothby

Well, its FRIDAY!! Yippeee! Happy end of week to one and all. And if that wasn’t reason enough to be happy, guess what? We’ve got yet another rib-tickling gag for you to enjoy:

Confusius say: “Man who run behind car get exhausted, but man who run in front of car get tired.”

BOOM! Thanks for this John Cole, it certainly made us smile and we hope it does the same for you out there!

Remember, ‘Crying with Laughter’ is out on 23rd August and we’ll be giving you a brand new joke du jour each and every day up until then!

We are getting EVEN closer to the release of the 2 disc DVD of Crying with Laughter – so lets up the humour-ante a little with todays joke:

Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

Many thanks to Eddie Ellis, Sheffield for this!

Come back tomorrow for another side splitter

The release date for Crying with Laughter on DVD is fast appraoching, and to celebrate we are fiving you a joke a day submitted by the great British Public. So here is another joke for your enjoyment

What is round, white and giggles? A tickled onion
from
Kelly Smith

Another day another joke; Why did the baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo…

Ahh, day three of our joke du jour is upon us and today’s joke is from Shirley Harpley, why not tweet us your jokes here we have 10 DVDs for the best ones and don’t forget you can pre- order the rather brilliant ‘Crying with Laughter’ DVD here.

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a Mass for the poor creature?’

Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’ Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’

Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

There will be another joke tomorrow..